Chelsea Handler Had Two Abortions At 16

Every media outlet is saying “Chelsea Handler opens up about having two abortions” without noticing, so I didn’t go there. I’ll just say that Chelsea Handler wrote an essay for Playboy where she revealed she had two abortions at the age of 16. Spark Notes: got pregnant to piss off her parents, got an abortion. Didn’t realize that having unprotected sex caused pregnancy after the first abortion, so had to get a second one. 

And I didn’t have just one abortion; I had two in the same year, impregnated by the same guy. I didn’t have the money the second time. I had to scrape together the $230 to pay Planned Parenthood, but it was a safe abortion. Getting unintentionally pregnant more than once is irresponsible, but it’s still necessary to make a thoughtful decision. We all make mistakes all the time. I happened to fuck up twice at the age of 16. I’m grateful that I came to my senses and was able to get an abortion legally without risking my health or bankrupting myself or my family. I’m 41 now. I don’t ever look back and think, God, I wish I’d had that baby.

I can’t bring myself to think the fact Chelsea Handler has had two abortions is some kind of shocking revelation, so they only thing I can really take from this is that Megan Fox really can see dead people. Shit. I wonder if she can still see Bernie Sanders’ campaign.