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When you’re so low you make Jordan “I Throw Stuffed Dogs Into the Ocean” Kimball look mature, maybe it’s time to question your life choices, Leo. On last night’s Bachelor in Paradise, Leo behaved like trash; tonight, he went for the full dumpster fire. (Spoilers ahead.)
The episode opens with everyone, including me, wishing Leo would just leave. Or as Queen Astrid puts it, “Everyone’s completely turned off by him.” Joe, tired of listening to Leo try—and fail—to manipulate Kendall, joins the conversation. And instead of confronting Leo, like last night’s teaser led us to believe, Joe simply asks Kendall to go for a walk. It’s a smooth move, and Kendall appreciates the gesture. Once they’re away from Leo, Joe tells her to chill. He’s not worth getting worked up over.
Easier said than done, though, because Leo finds every opportunity to be the worst. Just look at how he reacts later, at the rose ceremony, when it becomes clear nobody is giving him their rose. The night starts with people giving nice toasts about friendship and love, when Leo chimes in with his own. “It’s a shame to find out you’re full of shit,” he tells Kendall in front of the whole group. “And I’m looking around the room and seeing a lot of people full of shit.” He concludes with, “Good luck with Grocery Store Bitch over there.”
This is the last straw for Joe, who yells, “Are you going to say that to my face?” They puff their chests at each other, but the worst that happens is Leo splashes his drink on Joe. After that, the group asks Leo to leave and he storms off. Krystal even offers to get her sage and crystals out to cleanse the place.
So, Leo is gone. Excellent. Good riddance. I’m done talking about Leo. Like, why are giving Leo so much airtime when adorable moments like the below are going on unnoticed?
Anyway, let’s back up a bit and run down what else happened tonight, shall we?
Early in the episode, Benoit and Jenna had a tiff over their breakup. She runs off and cries in a hammock, at which point Jordan comes to comfort her. “Benoit made me feel bad for what happened this morning,” she tells him. This, of course, sets Jordan off. He confronts Benoit, accusing him of yelling at Jenna, but luckily Wells is there to give a neutral account of what happened: Benoit and Jenna had a serious conversation, yes, but he didn’t yell at her. This appeases Jordan slightly, though he still can’t resist rubbing it in that Jenna chose him over Benoit (“Luckily we both know where we stand”).
“He is literally the worst person I’ve ever met.” – Benoit about Jordan
Things are calmer in the morning. Annaliese has figured out how to pronounce Kamil’s name (“KHA-MEAL”), so now she’s all like, “Everyone needs to step [their relationships] up.” …to your relationship of less than 24 hours? Mmk. Meanwhile, Benoit has turned his attention toward Chelsea. They kiss and snuggle in a hammock, and I’m here for it.
A date card arrives for Eric, who invites Angela to go with him. Their date takes them to a luxury hotel suite with all the amenities: a golden toilet, a bathtub filled with champagne bottles, fluffy robes, and….matching seashell necklaces? At this point, I’m sure they’re just grateful for the air conditioning but things get better: A butler arrives with the biggest ice cream sundae I’ve ever seen in my life. HELL YES.
As if that’s not enough, a cart full of cheese comes next. What luxury! Eric and Angela bond and have a nice heart-to-heart about their relationship, but honestly how can you not fall a little in love over cheese and ice cream?
Speaking of love, back at the villa Kevin plans a mini date for Astrid on the beach. They rehash their fight from yesterday, and Kevin admits it stemmed from his own insecurities. Yay, we love an emotionally vulnerable man. I’m not as into Chris’ date for Krystal, which involves him asking her, a fitness coach, to teach him yoga a.k.a. work. That’d be like a guy asking me to edit his cover letter during a date. No thanks. However, Krystal appreciates the effort and that’s all that really matters.
As for Joe and Kendall, they’re doing well…but that doesn’t stop John from making a move on her. They kiss, but she feels so guilty about it she immediately tells Joe what happened. She admits she’s freaking out and doing things like kissing other guys because she’s afraid of falling for him. Joe says he’s falling for her too, but he only wants to date her. So, they decide to make it official and Joe would like everyone to stop kissing his girlfriend, thanks.
At the rose ceremony, after Leo leaves, the main drama revolves around who Chelsea will pick. John thinks he has a leg up because he’s half-Asian, like Chelsea’s ex. Tia thinks Connor is on the chopping block because he’s the kind of guy who orders a tequila and soda in a champagne flute. She has a point, when you think about it. Like, I don’t how that’s weird or a red flag, but it’s not nothing.
PHOTO: Paul Hebert
Eventually, Chelsea picks John, which means Benoit, David, and Connor are leaving paradise. In the car ride to the airport, Benoit breaks down as he wonders what’s so wrong with him that he’d be rejected twice in four days. I feel for him, I really do, but this statement puts things into perspective. Four days?! It feels like he’s been here 100 years, not the amount of time it takes a FedEx delivery to arrive.
And as much as I like John, Chelsea might have picked the wrong guy because the next day a new woman, Olivia, arrives and he is more than happy to go on a date with her. it’s a strange one, though: John and Olivia’s date is crashing some random teen’s quinceañera. Her family is very kind about it, given Olivia is wearing only a lace bra and John’s dance moves are questionable at best.
And just before the episode ends, another new woman enters paradise: Cassandra, who was on Juan Pablo’s season, and is so hot everyone’s reaction is to basically yell, “AHH-OOO-GAAA” at her. Or as Joe says, “Cassandra, she’s hot. She’s got big boobs, so, you know.” She asks Eric out and he says yes, much to the surprise of everyone—especially Angela. He tells Angela he views this as a true test for their relationship. Naturally, she doesn’t quite see it that way. We’ll see how it all plays out next week…
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