Two Major Fast Food Chains Will No Longer Let You View Porn Through Their Wifi


It seems like every day our liberties are being taken away from us and now two major fast food chains are going to keep us from our given right to view porn whenever we want and wherever we want. Or at least not if we’re going to be using their free wifi. But we’re paying customers, dammit! We want our two P’s! Pastries and Porno!

Brings a whole new meaning to the term “hungry eyes”.

Starbucks and McDonalds have teamed up to fight the apparently growing porn epidemic taking over American citizens by blocking anyone from visiting websites that might be deemed inappropriate. Excuse me, but we’re paying customers and this here porn that we’re watching isn’t hurting anyone as long as we all agree to keep our pants on, right?

Enough is Enough and The National Center on Sexual Exploitation is behind this injustice, and begged Starbucks to block porn from being viewed in their stores, especially after McDonald’s vowed to do the same thing. Even though this seems like a pretty crappy thing to do to people who just want to enjoy a fish filet while viewing The Best of Sienna West, they did have a larger viewpoint on the whole movement. Apparently there was a large amount of people viewing and downloading child pornography and taking part in “the sexual solicitation of children”. One bad apple does spoil the whole damn bunch! Apparently one is able to view what types of porn people are watching, but unfortunately not able to pinpoint WHO is watching or downloading the more sinister porn in their stores. This free open wifi offers that anonymity that the real pervs need in order to not be caught.

Luckily places like Chik-Fil-A and Panera Bread have a really sophisticated block on their wifi, which means that people are able to watch movies and TV shows that have mature content, even nudity, but the block realizes it’s nothing more than that and allows it through. Last I checked, Starbucks and McDonalds were two of the wealthiest fast food chains in the world, so maybe they can afford this fancy screener that Chik-Fil-A and Panera Bread of all places can afford, yes?

Regardless, if you’re someone who enjoys a nice frappuccino or Big Mac with your run of the mill porno, you may have to get your order To Go and get your viewing done elsewhere. In the end, these chains can’t blame us. Some of their food is just so damn sexy, it can really get our motors going. It’s not our fault!



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