The Lower Brain: The Myth of the ‘Nice Guy’


Photo: Kirn Vintage Stock [Getty Images]

Dear ANG:

Well, that’s a boring little self-pitying fiction you’ve told yourself. I assume you think you’re “nice” and you’re having a sad moment because some lady or ladies won’t go out with you. Let’s talk about your definition of “nice.” Do you think that being polite to a woman means she should give you a cookie? Do you think that offering her money or favors should inspire her to make out with you? Do you think that throwing endless compliments at a lady should make her tumble over herself in utter gratitude? That ain’t “nice,” bro.

Instead of “nice,” whatever the hell that means, let’s talk about “kind.” Kind people respect boundaries. Kind people do their best but understand that we all win and lose sometimes. Kind people look after their own needs so that they may be stronger, happier, contributing members of society. Kind people don’t go looking for a stupid fight, but they don’t back down from a worthwhile one, either.

Here’s the thing about kind, hardworking, intelligent people who take care of themselves in various ways: they can generally find someone to love them, eventually. You know why? Because they’re interesting, they’re committed to self-improvement, and they’re engaged with the world around them. They’re dynamic. They’re evolving. And they don’t expect to get all the candy just because they acted sweet on a date.

If you want to find success with women or in life in general, work on your damn self. Eat well, exercise, do whatever emotional, spiritual and mental work enriches your life in a positive fashion. And don’t blame women like some mediocre sad sack. Nobody wants to fuck somebody who imagines women are the evil judges of some imaginary competition where “nice guys finish last.” Ew. Grow the fuck up.

Remember this: you don’t deserve a pat on the head for treating women with genuine respect. Treat humans with respect. If you don’t get it in return, move along.


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