Last week something totally standard and benign happened between Adult Woman Katy Perry and Adult Woman Karlie Kloss: They met for a sushi dinner in West Hollywood. Because Twitter exists, though, Taylor Swift fans were quick to turn this hang-out into a capital-T Thing. You see, to them, Kloss isn’t a 25-year-old woman capable of making decisions for herself: She’s a member of Swift’s “squad,” and therefore must pledge allegiance solely to her. Apparently, that means no dinner dates with Perry, who’s infamously been beefing with Swift—at least publicly—for years now (ya know: “Swish Swish” and “Bad Blood” and all that petty, Auto-Tuned nonsense).
Nonsense is the operative word in the above sentence, because that’s exactly what this is: an attempt to create drama where there is none. Truthfully, there’s probably no “beef” between any of these women at all. It’s 100 percent possible for someone to hang out with a person who doesn’t get along with one of their friends. The world will still turn. “Ready for It” and “Bon Appétit” will still be bops.
Don’t tell this to the Swifties, though, because they’re really trying to stir up some blond pop star drama. First, they “scolded” Kloss on Twitter in early January for captioning a video campaign in which she plays basketball “Swish Swish.” (Again, LOL-ing at “scold.” Kloss is 25! She pays taxes!) And now, in light of the Sushi Date Heard ‘Round the World, they’re spamming Kloss’s Instagram comments with rat emoji. Why rat emoji, you ask? Because Swift reclaimed the snake emoji after the Kim Kardashian Snapchat drama and snakes eat rats and, OMG, I can’t believe these are actual words we’re saying in 2018. This is not what Robert E. Kahn and Vint Cerf intended when they invented the Internet!
Check out the emoji-spamming for yourself, below. No, this isn’t a fever dream. You’re really looking at fans spamming Kloss’s Instagram with rat emoji because she ate raw fish with a singer other than Taylor Swift.
Where does our society go from here, really? Aren’t we past this reductive female feud drivel? I, for one, am excited to live in a world where women can eat sushi with whomever they want—whenever they want—without fear of emoji retaliation. What song does Swift have to record to help us get there? Does she need to release something with Kloss and Perry? Call Jack Antonoff immediately. Let’s make this happen.