How to Know If You're Really in Love or Not (Yes It Can Be Confusing)

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So, you’ve met a new special someone and the two of you have started a romantic relationship. You find yourself thinking about them a little more often than before and now you get those butterfly feelings in your stomach just before you’re about to see them.

Does this mean you’re in love? Or could this just be the honeymoon phase that every relationship goes through? Sometimes it can be difficult to tell if you’re really in love or not.

What Does It Mean to Be In Love?

Being in love means desiring the happiness of your partner, admiring them for the individual they are, and feeling motivated to be a better person. When you are in love, your relationship goes beyond a simple physical attraction. It is experiencing happiness at the idea of two individual and independent people choosing to share time together. If you are in love, you are driven to be compassionate, generous, and caring to your special someone.

The Signs of Being In Love

So you’re probably thinking, “that’s great, but how do I know if I’m really in love or not?” Good question. See if any of the following signs of being in love^[1] apply to you:

• You have stopped thinking about your ex. In fact, you don’t even remember the last time you thought of him/her.
• You’re happier doing mundane chores when you’re together. Washing the dishes used to be terrible, right? But not with your partner beside you to help.
• You two start making future plans together. Before, date planning only went as far ahead as the upcoming weekend. Now, you’re talking about going to see the fall leaves change colors – and it’s only July.
• You want to do things together. Yes, you have been to the zoo 20 times before. But not with your partner and you just know it would be better together.
• You automatically want to share your good and bad news with them. Got a promotion at work? You don’t even think about your best friend now, instead you shoot a text to your partner.
• You are reminded of him/her every time you’re out. “Nice shoes, John would love those.” “Awesome game, Jess would love to play that.” It just comes naturally because they’re always on your mind.
• You’ve started looking forward to the weekend just to have breakfast in bed and watch a “Seinfeld” marathon. Dancing? Clubbing? Did you ever like those things? Yes, when you were single and not in love.

“Love” is Not The Same As “In Love”

People fall in love, it’s natural and part of life’s great journey. You probably didn’t plan on it. Maybe you don’t understand why you’re in love now, but you weren’t in the past. That’s easy. It’s because you can love somebody and never truly be in love with them. Sound confusing? Don’t worry.

Loving somebody is the conscious decision you make to be together, to trust them, to care for them. You can love your friends, you can love your family, maybe you even loved your ex. But, you can’t (or weren’t) in love with those people. That’s a completely different feeling. There’s a reason you aren’t in a romantic relationship with one of your best friends.

To be in love with somebody is wanting to share your thoughts and feeling with them, feeling safe in their arms, hoping to make them happy, and thinking of them everywhere you go.^[2]

Who Cares if I’m in Love or Not?

What kind of question is that?! Who cares if you’re in love or not? You should care! Every time your heart races when the phone rings, each time you catch yourself daydreaming of a future together – these are the reasons to care if you’re in love or not.

Instead of wondering all of time, or waiting for them to confess their feelings, you should try to figure out the answer to this question. If you don’t, you could risk losing the very person you’re supposed to be with. Don’t deny yourself the opportunity of being in love and knowing it.

How Can You Know Whether the Feelings are Mutual?

After you figure out if you’re in love with your partner or not, you probably want to know if they feel the same way. Maybe you’re at the point in your relationship where you’re trying to figure out if it’s the right time to say those magic words – “I love you.” Well, there are some signs you can look for to determine if the feelings are mutual or not.^[3]

Pay Attention to Their Words

If your partner starts talking about a future together, that’s a surefire way to know they’re probably also in love with you. If they see you in their future, it’s because they want you there.

What about the way they talk to you? Does your partner mention very specific things about your personality that they love? Things like, “I love the way I feel when we’re together.” and “You always know how to make me feel good.” are pretty big indicators that they’re probably in love.

Pay Attention to Their Actions

You know the saying, “Actions speak louder than words.” It’s the truth. So, what are their actions telling you?

Is your partner always there for you when you need support? Do they always listen to whatever you have to say, even if you’re just complaining about your boss for the thousandth time? If they take care of you when you’re feeling bad, bring you your favorite takeout just because, or come over with a movie – chances are, they’re in love with you, too. People who are in love with each other make an effort to spend time together and be supportive of each other.

Pay Attention to How They Act Around You

This is more than paying attention to their actions. This is paying attention to the way they hold themselves around you. Does it feel natural or fake?

Somebody who’s in love in happy to see their partner, smiles at them, makes eye contact, and reaches out for a much needed hug. If seeing you doesn’t make them seem more energetic or excited, they might not be in love. That’s because being near the people we’re in love with changes our behavior. We’re suddenly happier and just feel better. That feeling should shine through.

Armed with this information, you should be able to answer that question that’s been nagging at you for days. Are you really in love? And, is your partner really in love with you, too?

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