Florida Man Caught Masturbating Tells Police He’s ‘Captain Kirk’


Photo: CBS Television Distribution

We would have expected something like this from Neelix, but definitely not Captain Kirk.

According to WFLA, a 56-year-old Clearwater man was arrested for getting it on with himself at a bus stop last Monday. However, since the act has become the somewhat norm in Florida these days, that alone doesn’t make it newsworthy. Of course, telling police he was James Tiberius Kirk did the trick (and then some).

captain kirk masturbation arrest, florida man

Photo: Clearwater Police Department

Police said they responded to a report of a “lewd and lascivious act” at a bus stop on Gulf to Bay Boulevard around 11:20 a.m. on May 28, and that’s where they found a man who was “obviously masturbating” under his shorts. When they asked what he was doing, he said, “I’m scratching myself.”

There is obviously a difference between scratching yourself and wanking. Thankfully, the majority of Florida police officers know how to distinguish one from the other. Police informed the man he was under arrest for disorderly conduct because they knew he was really tossing one off, and that’s when they asked him to identify himself.

The clown puncher couldn’t pull one over on the cops by telling them he was Captain Kirk, and they later learned that his real name was James Bundrick. He was also hit with a charge of giving the police officer a fake name on top of the disorderly conduct charge.

All in all, it was not a good day for Mr. Bundrick. Then again, something tells us a good day for Mr. Bundrick is something that could be classified as a “rarity,” similar to hearing that a man told police he was Captain Kirk.



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