Every year in my family there’s at least one big ticket gift request that we always wonder whether or not will happen: last year it was an Xbox One for my step-brother (he didn’t get it, SUCKS TO SUCK LOGAN), and the year before I asked for a new laptop since mine has been on the verge of death since 2011. In case you’re wondering if I got it, I’m currently typing this on a 2008 Macbook. Word has crashed at least six times since turning it on. Clearly, I can go fuck myself.
But this year was different. No one asked for anything flashy because we’ve all finally learned that there’s no point and that we’re all cheap fucks at heart, except…
…my step-mom got a car.
Cue WTF from the rest of the house.
That’s not to say I was jealous. I’d rather be shot in the head than drive a minivan, but the wasted opportunity here for tomfoolery was ridiculous. Take Zachary Svobodny, for instance. Zachary got his 20-year-old sister, Morgan, a card on Christmas that said her gift was waiting for her in the driveway:
Wondering what it could be, Morgan ran outside to find a BRAND SPANKIN’ NEW CAR…or can looks be deceiving?
I stared real hard at that picture for the longest time, trying to figure out if it was an optical illusion or if the car was just a cardboard pop-up. Nope, ’tis neither. The car is real.
…Except when Morgan hopped into the driver seat, she found the following note:
To be fair, $90 at Subway goes pretty far. $90 at Applebees, not so much — the food is overpriced considering it’s all nuked in a microwave from frozen. You’d find better food quality in the dumpster out back of a Burger King. Maybe next year Zachary will be nice to his sister and rent her a Prius instead, since there’s no way that $90 in gift cards even comes close to equaling out to what it cost to rent that car over the holiday weekend.
Was Zachary’s prank too much for Christmas, or will you be doing the same next year? Let us know in the comments!